The 2023 edition of the Hospitable Host book is out and it is an instant best seller. Another epic collection of stories from hosts around the world. Written by hosts for hosts. A celebration of the diversity, tenacity and resilience of the people behind the scenes of the Short Term Rental/Vacation Rental global marketplace. If you remember last year how I was part of the 2022 edition, so please read on to hear more about my struggles with imposter syndrome.
Jodie Stirling – the incredible publisher behind this project – has pulled this together with the grace and elegance of a swan and yet her legs are paddling like a motor boat under the surface to bring it all together on time yet again. A multi-author book is a huge undertaking as she was managing all the different personalities and busy schedules of working hosts – some with massive businesses. All of this while running her own hospitality brand, Stirling Stays. I am in awe of everything she has achieved over the last 3 years.
The March 2023 book launch in Nashville in line with the STR wealth conference looked like a blast and I for one was having huge FOMO at missing this. The UK/EU launch is set for later this month in line with the Shortyz awards which is another highlight for our industry.
All of this recent activity took me back to the release of the first Hospitable Host book in May 2022. I am one of the OG authors and so check out my chapter here.
But I wanted to write about how the release of this book was a real turning point for me. Plus how it allowed me to do lots of work around my mindset and really to feel more confident in myself.
I have never told anybody this story.. it may surprise you.
The day of the release of HH 1, was set to be a huge day. Jodie had prepped all of the authors so well and provided us with the tools for gaining visibility and promote the book, the other authors and also ourselves. My assistant, Laura, and I had prepped the Instagram posts, the blog post, the email blast – the whole shebang. There was so much energy in the HH community and we were all looking forward to our collective moment of glory from the release of this book.
Launch day: global time zones synchronized and all choreographed for maximum impact which is needed for gaining the exposure and sales to reach best seller. I was ready to press “send” on all the posts and setting up to go live in Instagram and Facebook…. Then I fell into a dark hole… it took me completely by surprise.
I found myself walking through my local park in Yoyogi having a panic attack. An honest to goodness panic attack.
Hyperventilating, tunnel vision and crying big, ugly imposter syndrome tears. In public. Oh the horror! People could see me and witness my shame. Yet I couldn’t control it.
I should have been on top of the world. I was now a published author, wasn’t I?
But the truth was that I felt like a fraud.
A cheeky interloper. An imposter.
A thirsty no-body who, in the desire for attention, faked her way into the company of professional hosts who were running legitimate businesses. Professional hosts who had their accounting systems in place and all of their tax returns perfect to the last cent and their listings well managed with automated systems. Hosts with stunningly designed listings and me with my upcycled furniture and vintage textiles and kimonos on the walls.
How could I stand next to these people I respect and admire when I was self taught, messy, disorganised and only really fell into a profitable business by accident rather than through skill or talent or even by design.
An accidental millionaire. And to be a best selling author felt just so fraudulent.
Who the hell was I kidding? Any moment, people would see the truth and my deceptions would be exposed.
Hello Imposter Syndrome!
Where the hell did you come from? Why are you paralyzing me right at the very moment that I need to be delivering?
For the next hour or so – I really don’t know how long – I walked through the park. If you have never been to Yoyogi Park in Tokyo, it is a gorgeous wilderness with lots of hidden paths and rugged vegetation. There were many places that I could hide.
And like a crazy person I was talking to myself – out loud, in the park and crying big ugly tears.
I was running through all of the reasons I didn’t deserve praise nor a place in the Hospitable Hosts community. All the reasons why my business success to date was just good luck and the collapse from the pandemic was really just my own hubris coming to bite me in the butt. (For more on this, please read my chapter in HH1 – Amazon Australia, Amazon Japan, Amazon US)
Then I stopped dead. Started to deeply breathe in the clear air all around me. I put my hand on my heart and slowly unpacked all of the critical thoughts swirling around in my head. I was able to talk myself down off the ledge. I began to realize what I was feeling was Imposter Syndrome.
Internal Battlefield
There was another part of my brain that just switched on and became the Badass Boss Lady (BBL) and overpowered the Imposter Bitch (IB). For every critical thought, BBL struck down the IB with facts and fearless self-compassion. I was able to take control of my nervous system yet again.
I like to think of myself as fairly level headed, controlled and pragmatic. Hardly a drama queen. When there are things that need doing, I just get on and do them without much emotion or fanfare. This is why this breakdown was so out of character for me.
At that moment of the panic attack, I had no control over my world or my emotions. It came completely out of the blue. If I am honest, it scared the poop out of me.
It was the most profound experience – cathartic even.
Afterwards, I felt relief and a lightness that I haven’t felt for a long time.
Perhaps this was even some of the residual trauma of the pandemic that was releasing itself. Or perhaps it is just moving into a new level of acceptance of myself.
It has allowed me to really accept the value of my achievements in my gut – not in a boastful way but honestly and in integrity and certainly without false modesty. Sure there are messy bits behind the scenes – the same as everybody else – but to acknowledge that I am operating in my zone of genius.
Sure, it was unplanned but I really have found something I am good at – and more importantly, enjoy.
I created a million dollar business out of nothing – just with my grit, hard work and taking chances when the opportunities arose. I just did the next right thing ahead and it somehow worked. I now accept that this is the truth without downplaying anything.
I am worthy and I am enough. Just as I am.
I tell this story now – as a postcard to my fellow Hospitable Hosts. It has taken me a year to write this story out, and blog about it – it feels vulnerable and raw but now on the other side, I feel so much more confident.
If becoming a best selling author has brought up some conflicting emotions for you too, or if you also have suffered from imposter syndrome, know that you are not alone. Drop me a line and let’s chat.
Tracy my friend….I am RIGHT here with you on this. And I already was a published writer and magazine editor before getting into the STR business! My insecurity was more that I felt an imposter being featured in a book alongside names like yours, Mark Simpson, etc. who I’ve leaned on throughout the years to LEARN this industry. It really shook me when I realized who all I would be published with. I didn’t feel worthy. I wondered if others would ask, “What is she doing? How did SHE get in here?” So silly. But it’s true. Thank you for putting this out there publicly. I feel more human!
I think we are all self taught and so it doesn’t seem real. We are all natural born hospitality professionals and we have found our place in the world. Also, we have found each other which is thanks to modern technology. It feels strange though as doesn’t it?
Valuaing our hard work, optimism and guts to get into the industry is something we should do more of and celebrate our successes as real and worthy – because they are. I am learning this and also to give myself credit for things which although natural for me, isn’t natural for everybody.
We have each created beautiful businesses that support us, our families, our communities and also provides such enormous value to our customers. I am so grateful to have found you and the other authors on this project.